I’ve often wondered where the phrase “falling in love” came from. The “in love” part sounds great, but the hazard of “falling” is that most people get hurt when they fall. I am as much a romantic as the next person, but I’m not in favor of stumbling headfirst into a relationship (as opposed to a fling) without considering all the known risks and benefits - “known” being the crucial word. There are so many unknowns about a partner or lover that we only discover by being in relationship with them, that it behooves us to intelligently consider the known aspects as we face them. I’m of the belief that we do not choose who we fall in love with, which has some inherent risks, so the more insight we can gather about all the parties in the relationship, the better our chance of success will be.
As a therapist, I believe the best way - indeed, the only way - to face the challenges in any intimate relationship is with fearless honesty. How can I trust that my lover’s acceptance of me is genuine if I have not shown him or her my true self? But being vulnerable in a relationship is a scary proposition, and sometimes you may need the help of someone else. As a therapist, I am in a unique position to guide and coach you into learning to develop that habit of honesty, which is essential to safe and healthy intimate relationships. For ethical non-monogamous, polyamorous, or throuple relationships, the need for honesty among all parties is even more essential, and I will honor every risk you take in therapy. I will be your ally, without judgment or shame, as I support you through your journey.